When Loving Someone Else Means You Stop Loving Yourself

How to reclaim your power by learning what self-love really means.

When loving someone else makes you forget how to love yourself, it’s not because you’re empty. You’re actually full of love – but you don’t know how to give that shit to yourself, so you give it away to everyone else. That may sound crazy, but think about it: Most people have no idea how to love themselves. No one ever taught us. Instead, we were fed this lie that you have to earn self-love, like it’s some prize you only get after making everyone else happy. Total bullshit.

Society taught you to put others first and yourself last. When you weren’t performing or people-pleasing, you felt worthless. Then someone told you self-love was a spa day, some “me time,” or coddling yourself with easy comforts. But that’s not the full story.

Let’s break it down:

Love = Having a high regard for someone’s well-being.

Self-love = Having a high regard for your own well-being.

Well-being = Being comfortable, healthy, and happy.

Comfort? You know what that is. But healthy? That means challenging your body, mind, and heart to create strength. Happy? That’s a deep appreciation for where you are right now.

So, loving yourself means putting in the work – the right work – that makes you stronger, smarter, and more resilient. It’s sweat and tears. Then comes the nurturing part – the gentle integration of what you’ve gained.

Here’s the hard truth: Living from a place of self-love isn’t about avoiding the tough stuff because it’s hard. That’s self-abuse. Self-love is about showing up for yourself, doing the gritty work your soul needs. If you keep dodging the hard shit, you’re just betraying yourself.

So, ask yourself: Are you working for your soul or against it?